Watering The Mustard Seed

The second chapter of Meir Munk’s book, Sparing the Rod, is called “The Educator’s Tools.” Throughout this chapter Munk makes a strong argument that God created the nature of man to work the best under the guidance of praise and to desire justice. Using this fact, the educator (and parent) should first encourage the positive and only use rebuke as a secondary path when justice is required. Under normal circumstances, a wise educator will use praise more than rebuke. 

“Although punishment is …one of the educator’s tools” says Munk, “the educator should nevertheless be aware that the act of punishment reveals a certain weakness: a failure to reach the pupil through speech. Therefore, when a situation arises where punishment is unavoidable, the educator must realize he is acting from a position of weakness in using punishment rather than explanation. And he must regret that he is forced to use punishment”

Punishment should be avoided as much as possible. The educator is already limited on the severity, and he also should restrict himself on the variety and number of punishments he uses. He can plan ahead of time how few punishments he can use and will become careful not to “waste” any on situations that can be handled with other tools. Not everything requires a reaction. Some annoyances are best ignored. 

Proverbs 13:24, “he who spares his rod hates his child, and he who loves his child disciplines him early,” is addressed by Rabbi Shmuel Wosner. Munk condenses his commentary as follows, “…one would expect expect the opposite of ‘sparing the rod’ to be ‘using the rod freely.’ But the verse intends to instruct us that the correct way for a father to discipline his son is through verbal chastisement. As long as that helps, the rod can be hung on the wall. The child should be aware that corporal punishment is a possibility if he ignores his parents’ guidance. This is the meaning of ‘he who spares his rod hates his child.’ 

“Thus, the verse is telling us that a parent who withholds the rod from a child who does not accept verbal instruction or chastisement—and is therefore deserving of the rod—actually hates him. Nevertheless, the initial approach should be that of ‘he who loves him disciplines him early.’”

Next, Munk explains some ways to use positive reinforcement as the primary tools. Things like a positive remark, a kind expression, and having a positive view of the child in your heart (this drives how you react to him). When you lead with positivity, the *lack of positive* becomes what Munk calls “punishing without punishment.” This only works if the teacher (or parent) is generally friendly and has an approving spirit about him. When positive is the norm, even a slight neutral or negative makes a point. All of this must be genuine. Not an act or charade.

Munk quotes Rava as saying, “If you see a pupil struggling with his studies, this is [often] due to the unfriendliness of his teacher…”

A teacher should have an appropriate reward-punishment ratio in which punishment is the exception and reward is the rule.