Watering The Mustard Seed

The first chapter of Meir Munk’s book, Sparing the Rod, is called “Before Disciplining.” Munk begins by quoting Proverbs 27:6, “Faithful are the wounds of a loving friend, but the kisses of an enemy are excessive.” Punishment is compared to the wound of a friend and as such, should only be borne out by friends. Friends: meaning teachers or guardians of a child who the child respects and looks up to. 

Munk says, “The purpose of corporal punishment, after all, is to affect the pupil’s future behavior. One who would administer it must ask himself: Will this ‘lesson’ really serve an educational purpose—or will it accomplish the exact opposite?”

Do not compound punishment with a sermon. The Talmud (Yevamos 65b) is referenced saying, “Just as it is a mitzvah [commandment] to say something that will be heeded, so it is a mitzvah to refrain from saying that which will not be heeded.” This concept may be familiar, as it has been presented in many ways in modern parenting books. The point is to teach and train from a place of calm, not in the moment of anger. 

Munk speaks to the educator for a bit noting that his goal should be to establish personal relationships with every student first. This may take months! After the relationships are there, the educator is able to teach most smoothly. Children need to think of their teachers and their parents as on their side. This will fulfill the truth spoken in Proverbs, “faithful are the wounds of a friend” when punishment does arise out of need. 

As an educator or parent, being kind and having a good relationship with your children is the first step to positive discipline, as it can reduce or eliminate the need to punish at all!